Monday, August 08, 2005
~*$c.Ri.b*bL.E$ ...i'm so tired ... i'm tired of living ... i'm tired of everything ... why can't we die as easily as people make it sound to be ? ... they all say ... you must cherish your life ... cos you'll never know when your time is up ... well ... at this point in time ... in my life ... i'm so looking forward for my time to be up ... i'm not going to commit suicide ... not as stupid as that ... just wish i would die naturally now ... so tired of everything ... i can't take it anymore ... do people even care ... ? i mean ... people say they care about you ... but do they really care ? do they really mean what they say ? i mean ... no matter how much ... how long you know a person ... you'll never really know what's going through the person's mind at all ...
i wish i was still a baby ... so carefree ... so free of problems ... so happy ... i just have no energy anymore ... why do i even bother ... why do i even care ... i should just isolate myself from everyone ... afterall ... most problems i or everyone else have is human relations problems isn't it ? instead of putting ourselves in a vulnerable spot ... why don't we all ... just isolate ourselves so that there wouldn't be any chance or us getting hurt ... i really wish i could turn back time ...
then i would not have let its happen to me ... i would be careful ...
people say life is full of choices ... frankly speaking ... i think it's all a lie ... what kind of choices do You actually have in this life ... it's only whether to obey or disobey ... these are the only choices you have ... like right now ... i wish i was taken up to heaven ... but ... if it's not God's will ... i'll have to just continue living on ... if not ... it'll be suicide ... whatever ...
i feel like crying ... people think i'm strong ... well ... maybe they're weaker than me that's why i'm strong to them ... or ... it's just an encouragement ... an encouragement for me to carry on living this life ... am i really that strong ... i wanna cry ... is that being strong to any of you ? oh .. but the best part ... i always end up controlling my tears till they overflow and i can't control them anymore ... now ... is that strong or stupidity ... i think i'm stupid ... i'm a burden to people ...
sometimes i wish one of my veins or artery snaps ... then i'll die an instant death ... and it's natural ... and don't need to do anything at all to get myself killed ... so simple and fast ... and it can't be considered suicide cos i didn't do anything to kill myself ... so it's fully natural ...
whatever ... no one ... at this point in time still knows me fully ... why ... i guess i'm still NOT ok ... who cares ... ? i don't care anymore ... just waiting for my time to come ...
cheryn ...
posted at 8/08/2005 06:56:00 pm
